Whistle Through Your Teeth

Listen, kid; you’ve got these dreams, and you’ve got that star in your eye, but you look at the world and you’re not sure you can get there. You’ve got those people around you who are telling you that some day, all this pain, struggle, and difficulty is going to be worth it; I’m here to tell you that’s a lie. None of this will mean a damn thing unless you draw meaning from it. Nothing has purpose until you breathe purpose into it. If you think you’re just gonna wake up one day and everything is going to line up and it will all make sense, you’re a chump. I’m not gonna sugarcoat this for you; some stuff you just can’t change. There are certain obstacles you won’t overcome. Now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, it just means the lesson you get from those things isn’t going to be about triumph, but about persistence, failure, and learning to live with tough truths. Not everything is going to go your way; if you’re anything like me, your life is going to be a train wreck until your dying breath. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride from time to time. Living in this world can be difficult (and it can be downright infuriating if you have a half-way decent brain in your head.) If things are tough, you just have to be tougher; and for god’s sake, be a better man than I am. Don’t be bitter; learn to take things in stride and be content. Don’t be angry; enjoy yourself, relax, and bask in the glory that grows all around you. Don’t be worrisome; do what you can, work your ass off, and learn to accept the outcome. Whistle through your teeth and spit, kiddo; acknowledge the pain and the struggle, then let go of the pit in your stomach and move forward. Now, that’s a heck of a lot easier said than done; that’s why I’m giving the advice instead of following it. You see, I am a firm believer that you have no value as a person until you choose to. I think every being has unending potential, but they limit themselves, intentionally and unintentionally. Don’t be like so many of us who give up in the hard times and fall to where we know we fit; press on, be better, be more, and rise to where you belong. I’m not saying you’re going to make a million dollars a day, or that you’ll have a comfortable life; that stuff doesn’t matter. I’m telling you that you can be a better person, and your life will be good. You’ll never be without food or a place to stay, because people around you will recognize that greatness within you, and they will respect it. Not everyone, mind you, but at least one person, and that’s all you need. Just one person who sees the value you have accrued, who sees the person you have become, and is willing to give you what you need when you need it the most. Life is rotten, but you don’t have to let it make you bitter and rotten yourself. You’re better than that…or at least you can be.

…And Nero Plays A Golden Fiddle

Mankind loves their villains. They thoroughly enjoy their heroes, but there is a special place in their hearts for the wicked ones, the destroyers of worlds. I have come to believe this is because, even thought they aspire to be like their heroes, what they see in the villain of the story much more resembles what they see in the mirror. Or maybe they are simply entertained by evil.

At what point does a man pass over into that evil? Is there a specific moment where he ventures just beyond salvation, a split second when his humanity leaves him and there is nothing left within worth salvaging?

Is it the day where he kills a man and feels…nothing? Or is it when he gives in fully to the stew of fury, hate, and vengeance that boils just under the surface? Or when he decides to pursue power above all else, setting up his throne in the heavens like a wrathful god? I would think it happens long before then; these are simply symptoms of the evil that grows like a thorny vine in my soul.

What causes all of this? Are they destined to be evil, or do they choose it? When historians look back on the lives of abominable men, do they see pivotal moments that could have changed the course of history, or is their very birth a black stain upon the earth?

Tell me, is it innate? Is it insufferable choices and circumstances that snuff out the light that glows within? Is it the presence of evil that chokes out all that is good? Or is it simply the absence of good that allows the darkness to prevail?

There are men whose darkness inspires wicked actions. There are men whose lives mold them into monsters, men who are given no other choice but to turn to darkness in order to survive. There are those who do not wish to be this way, but their rage overtakes them, despite their will to live peaceful lives. Wickedness is sometimes a choice; other times, it is inherited.

I chose my darkness. My darkness also chose me. I did not wish to be an evil man, and yet…

It does not matter now; the monster I am is beyond any redemption; the depths to which I have fallen are far beyond where any light will reach. I have not much further to fall before I reach the burning pits of hell itself. I wage my wars at its gates, battling both white knights of earth and the winged bats of Hades. Sooner or later, be it by natural occurrence or violent means, their goal shall be achieved. I will meet my demise, and be dragged into further torment.

And yet, for some ungodly reason, I resist. To the bitter end, I resist. I may be destined for fire, but I will not go willingly. My city will burn before me, engulfed entirely in flame, and I shall sing a joyous song; I will dance amidst my kingdom’s destruction.

Happiness Kills

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, the other is getting it.” Oscar Wilde

Trevor and Stephanie sat in the coffee shop across from the financial building and watched people in suits walk briskly in and out like ants at an anthill. This was their Tuesday ritual; both of them worked strange hours (he was a night custodian at the high school, and she was a bar tender), and this was the only day they both had off. They would catch up on their sleep, and then meet up here for some early afternoon coffee, watching the business people go about their days, dreaming about what it would be like to have a job inside that building.

Today, the reality of the situation seemed to catch up with Trevor. He enviously watched men anxiously adjust their ties and clutch at their briefcases as they scurried about, completely oblivious to the fact that they were being spied upon. Those rich bastards, with their expensive watches and luxurious cars. Trevor imagined this morning they had woken up in their big homes and looked out over their giant back yards as they had gotten ready for work, kissed their fashion model wives goodbye, and remote-started their BMWs on their way to the expansive garage where they were restoring classic cars.

It frustrated him to no end that they had it all, and he had to struggle all week long just to afford this damn coffee. He unglued his gaze from the people across the street and noticed that Stephanie was looking at him with a quizzical expression on her face. She arched an eyebrow and a smirk toyed at the edge of her lips.

“Something the matter there, big guy?” she asked.

Trevor sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “No. Yes. I don’t know…”

Stephanie set down her coffee, and tilted her head to the side. Concern suddenly etched itself across her face. “What’s on your mind?”

Trevor sat back and played with his mustache for a second as he searched for the right words. He quickly sat forward once more, nervously drumming his fingers on the lid of his coffee cup.

“Well…you know…”

He sighed again. He was far to scatterbrained at the moment to be having this conversation, but Steph wasn’t going to just let this go, so he needed to come up with an answer for her. She reached across the table and placed her hand on his, settling the rapid movements of his hands. Oddly enough, this simple act calmed him enough to formulate his thoughts into sentences. He took a breath.

“We sit here week after week, fantasizing about what our lives would be like if we had those people’s jobs. We dream about the houses we’d buy, the families we’d have, and the wonderful lives we’d lead, and once we’re done with our coffee, we walk our happy asses back out into the real world and continue on with our meager existences. Don’t you ever wonder if there’s…more?”

Stephanie squinted and smiled softly. “More how? Are we having an existential conversation about the meaning of life, or is this about something specific?”

Trevor furrowed his brow and pursed his lips, staring a hole into his cup. He traced his finger along the cups design as he spoke.

“I mean, we spend so much of our time trying just to stay alive. We work our asses off trying to make enough money to get by; do you ever wonder if there’s more to our lives than just survival?”

Steph took a sip of her coffee and shook her head. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean. I consider what we’re doing now to be more than just survival. We’re sitting here in relative safety, enjoying, or at least trying to enjoy, a cup of warm java. There is no urgency or necessity to this moment, is there?”

Trevor shifted uncomfortably.

“Well, no…but…those people across the street, they make all that money, and they are able to buy such nice things with it; I can practically guarantee you that none of them even bats an eye when the bills come due. They don’t wonder if they’ll have enough money to eat next week. They don’t have a care in the world.”

Stephanie leaned forward.

“Trev, you can’t honestly believe that. You see the super-stressed looks on those people’s faces. They may not have our struggles, but I’m sure they have plenty of their own.”

Trevor laughed dryly. “Yeah, well, I have yet to come across a problem where money wasn’t the answer. If they have do have problems, they sure as hell have the answers, too.”

Stephanie sighed and shook her head. “Money isn’t everything. You can’t buy happiness, you know.”

Trevor squinted at her. “Are you sure about that? Cuz it sure seems like you can. Those rich pricks can afford whatever they want, and I’d be willing to bet they’re pretty happy with their lives.”

Stephanie bit her lip and looked out the window. She absent-mindedly reached up and twirled her ponytail around her fingers as she thought. Eventually, she turned back to Trevor.

“Money can buy you things, Trev; it can buy you a lot of things, but none of those things is going to keep you happy. They might keep you entertained for a while, but being entertained isn’t the same as being happy.”

Trevor snorted.

“Oh yeah? What exactly would you call being happy, then?”

Steph took another sip of her drink and smirked. “The thrill of the chase.”

Trevor blinked and shook his head in bewilderment. “What on earth does that mean?”

“Think about what Thomas Jefferson wrote; every man, woman, and child has the natural right to the pursuit of happiness. He doesn’t say we have the right to happiness, just the pursuit. We have the right to chase the things that make us happy. I think it’s that chase, that journey, that really makes us happy.”

Trevor sat back and crossed his arms. “So you think that happiness is, what, an illusion?”

Stephanie shook her head quickly. “Not by a long shot; I think happiness is more than just good feelings. I think real happiness is recognizing the good in both the peaceful, enjoyable moments, as well as the hectic, painful ones.”

Trevor nodded slowly and stroked his mustache again.

“You’re starting to sound like Confucius all of the sudden.”

Stephanie grinned.

“Well, maybe Confucius had a point, then. Perhaps it’s not getting what we want that makes us happy, but living out a life where we pursue various things that bring us joy that makes for a happy life.”

Trevor leaned back and digested her words for several minutes. They sat in silence, gazing out the window once more. A question bubbled to the surface of Trevor’s mind.

“So, let me ask you this,” he said. “Do you think it’s possible to have everything you want all the time and still be happy? According to your definition of happiness, part of what makes us happy is going after those things we enjoy. Is it possible to have the perfect job, the perfect life, and all the money you could ever want, and be truly happy?”

“Not a chance,” she replied firmly. “You see, part of what makes the good things in our lives so pleasurable is the experience of living through those crappy moments. Bad things, difficult times, and whatnot all contribute to our happiness. Sure, having everything you want in the world would be great, but it would get boring eventually. Either you would get depressed because there was nothing else to achieve and experience in this life, or you would shrivel up and die. Without some sort of shadow, the bright moments become almost meaningless.”

They sat quietly for a few minutes as what Steph said sank in. After what seemed like hours, she spoke again.

“You know, it’s almost better to not have what you want. If you don’t get what you want, you might be pissed off or upset for a while, but you eventually try again. You keep trying, keep hoping, and keep living. Once you get what you want, though, what else is there to live for? Everything becomes bland, and you run around like those people across the street, stressed out and worried, trying desperately to find the next thing that will make you happy. We’re all addicted to our happiness and success, and the more we have, the more it takes to keep us in that state of bliss. Eventually, we will run out, and we have to come down. I can only imagine what it’s like to come down from being that high up…”

 

 

Hangover

“Ugh…”

The noise came forth unbidden from somewhere within him as he rolled over in bed. He knew he needed to drink something, something other than the fire water that had brought him to this point, if he wanted to feel better at all today. Alcohol is a sneaky one; your first few times, you can get completely obliterated, and then you’re ready to run a marathon three hours later. After you’ve had your fun with her, after getting to know what drunkenness tastes like, she’ll turn on you; crashing headaches, queasiness, stiff and sore muscles…you feel like you’ve been hit by a train. You’re not sure you could run to the bathroom if you needed to, let alone a marathon.

He pulled the pillow over his eyes. “I’ll just sleep a little while longer before I take care of myself,” he thought. “No need to move just yet…”

The pillow may have been blocking all light from his eyes, but it was unable to block the sounds as they assaulted to his ears. Children were playing, birds were singing, and dogs were barking. It seemed the rest of the world took no pity on him in his pathetic state.

He sighed. Why did he do this to himself?

He chuckled. “Because getting to this point is fun, right?”

Well, not really. Sometimes, yes, but most of the time, there was a different reason…

“I was just trying to find the genie,” he thought. “I rubbed the bottle and he never came out. After a while, I decided to go in after him.”

The voice in his head sighed; if his internal monologue had eyes, it would have rolled them. “Did you find him?” he asked himself sarcastically.

“No, he must have moved; made it all the way to the bottom before I realized he wasn’t there…”

It dawned on him that he was still drunk; he was having a full-blown conversation with himself, and to top it all off, he was giving himself sass.

He sat up gingerly, suddenly noticing how incredibly parched he was. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the door, willing himself to have the strength to walk downstairs and to the kitchen.

“One of these days, this is going to kill me,” he said.

The sarcastic side of his brain responded immediately.

“You know, you’re never going to be able to drown your demons like this. You can’t kill your enemy by drinking the poison yourself.”

True; there would have to come a day when he at least pretended to be an adult and faced his fears head on instead of popping the cap of a bottle of whiskey and shoving them inside it. That day, however, was not this one. At that given moment, he needed to hurl; personal growth and self-exploration would have to wait a while longer.

Under the Top Hat

Pull up a chair and pour yourself some tea; we have much to discuss. You see, I have had you all fooled; I am not who you think I am.

My mind is splintered, broken far beyond repair…yet…my madness is both my weakness and my strength.

On the surface, I say nothing; within, a cacophony of voices ring out, all clamoring for my attention. Thousands upon thousands of fractured souls, all bound up within my own; voices yearning, desperate to find a listening ear. They call to me, at all hours of the day and night. They make it hard for me to pay attention, difficult to keep my focus. They distract my days and they arrest my dreams, forcing me to listen to them even while I sleep. They wake me often, driving me to write down the things they say as I come rocketing out of a dream and back into what I am told is the real world.

They torture me, shredding my mind and pulling my attention in a million different directions at once. And yet…

I put them all to the page, one by one, planting them all in their proper places. I assault the keys, arranging letters and scribbles on the screen until each of them is given a home outside my head.

And what does this make me; who does this make me? My ego says I am the architect, the creator, the Weaver of Dreams, the ALPHA AND THE OMEGA! But…no, I am nothing. I am simply a scribe, carefully putting to the parchment the words of those who occupy my mind.

I have never had an original thought; they have all been handed to me by one of my visitors. My imaginary friends tell me things; they tell me fantastic stories, and I feel the unquenchable desire to share their adventures. The things they do and the places they go, they are things worth hearing about…or at least I like to think so.

I do not live in this world. I am never here; my body is present, but my mind is rarely resting in reality for very long. Often I find myself spirited away by these gripping tales, my eyes glazed over, open and yet blind to what is around me. I live in places where dragons breathe fire, gods wage wars in the skies, and someone is always unexpectedly caught up in the storm.

I am these voices. I am the most evil of men, hell-bent on crushing all living beings under my boots. I am the bravest of heroes, facing the darkness with nothing but a blade and my wits. I am the people passing by, in one scene and gone the next. I am the story. Bound up in every dot and tittle I write is a piece of me; the words might as well be written in my own blood. Each voice, every character, is a small part of me, each one a little shard of me. When gathered together, we are a right mess, a terrible sight to behold. However, we are more than the sum of our parts…that is what we would like to believe, anyway.

I am broken, I am fractured, and I am many. Without these words, without this medium of expression, I am a disaster. With pen in hand, however, I am whatever I choose to be.

I like it this way. It is never boring inside my skull.

You may see a man who is, for the most part, holding himself together. You are utterly mistaken. You may see a man whose mind is powered by the sparks of insanity. You have not the foggiest idea how far down the rabbit hole I reside. I am off the map, wandering uncharted territory, in places unknown yet somehow familiar.

The fact of the matter is, the madness within is barely contained under the brim of this big top hat; you simply have not realized it yet.

 

Shadows on the Cave Wall

He was laying on his back in the driveway, eyes closed, slowly breathing in the late-night air. There was no wind, the birds had all gone to sleep, even the crickets were quiet. If not for the sound of cars going by several streets over and a train horn in the distance, it would have been absolutely silent. It was peaceful, unlike the turmoil in his head.

He was struggling, quite honestly; what does it mean to be truly human? What is expected of us as a species, as individuals? What is the point of all of this?

He couldn’t bring himself to accept the “truths” that were placed before him. He could not bring himself to believe that this life was just a holding pattern, or that it was nothing more than a random collection of carbon and rock.

He couldn’t stand in either camp. The more he thought about it, is seemed that there were more than just the two. There were political camps, religious camps, race, class, national lines separating everyone. No two people could even stand together anymore; there was always some sort of distance between them due to all this…nonsense.

That’s not to say that the quest for purpose, identity, or truth is nonsense. Everything that surrounds it absolutely is, though. It was the noise that surrounded the issues, the clutter lying all about, that made it such an impossibly difficult matter for him.

“What am I?” he asked himself silently. Not who; no, who was an even more pointless question. He would settle for simply knowing what he was.

He thought back to his walk through town the day before. So many signs in windows, saying things like, “Come as you are,” and “All are welcome here.” None of it was true, though, was it? Come as you are, leave as what we turn you into. All are welcome here, until they do something we don’t like.

Some would tell you that purpose was innate, and that everyone was born with it, or that some power in the sky determined it before time began. Others would say that life was meaningless and purposeless, a series of random, worthless events. The wisest people he knew said that purpose was chosen, that things and people have no purpose or value until someone gives it to them. He wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but it rang true for him. It felt right; then again, maybe he shouldn’t trust his gut in matters such as these.

So much division, so little communication. Everyone fights, and no one wins. So many voices screaming, so many people forgoing peace and instead giving into the chaos.

He smirked to himself. “No chill” indeed.

“I don’t agree with any of them, and I trust even fewer of them,” he mumbled.

How does one determine the truth when there is so much that they hold in question? Untethered and washed out to sea, it felt as if there was nothing to hold onto. The waves that crashed all around his mind wished only to suffocate him further as he drowned, falling deeper and deeper into his own doubts.

A rain drop splashed on his forehead, breaking his concentration. He gasped in surprised, and his eyes flew open. Above, the stars had hidden themselves behind the clouds, and a slight sprinkling began to drip down to the earth below.

He sighed and closed his eyes once more. He knew he would never find a satisfactory answer. He knew he would always be seeking something more concrete than what he held on to. Tonight, the time had come to let it all go and simply rest. He continued to lie there as the sprinkling became a soft downpour, washing away his anxiety and self doubt, if only for a while. He released the pent-up worry within and simply…existed…for a while.

When the clouds went away and he was once again alone with his thoughts, these questions would rise once more. Thanks to the calm provided by the storm, however, he would be ready. He would be prepared. And so it would go, day after day, until…well, until he knew for sure, one way or the other.

The Animal Inside

The beast inside my brain refuses to stay in his cage. Sometimes I get lucky, and he sleeps quietly for a few days or even a few weeks, but he always breaks out and goes on a rampage. He whispers doubts in my ears, and he plays on my insecurities. He damages my relationships by taking control of my words. I can sometimes fight him off and keep him in check, but he is relentless. When he is awake, he is always shaking the bars of the cage in which he lives, roaring like a lion in every corner of my mind.

I can’t tune him out and I can’t turn him down. He gets ahold of me, and all I can do is strap in for the ride, hoping he doesn’t sabotage anything beyond repair. He claws around inside, looking for a weakness, some break in my defenses that will set him loose. When he finds it (and he always does), he makes me miserable. He attacks my friends and my family and sometimes my job. I feel like two different people; I know he’s an extension of who I am, but I don’t see him that way.

He is angry and cruel, outspoken and overly emotional. Sometimes he simply muddies the waters, making relationships tense or awkward. Sometimes he outright tears them apart. In my right mind, I rarely yell at people, and I try to keep my feelings to myself. I know I’m an empathetic sociopath with a messiah complex, but I’d rather not share that with the world. He, however, wants everyone to know about the beast behind my eyes. He wants everyone to know that I am not mild mannered, level-headed, or happy. He wants everyone to see me for what I really am: paranoid, volatile, insecure, and unfocused.

He roars and flares up at a moment’s notice. He will explode or fall apart in a heartbeat. I despise him so much, for two main reasons. The first is when he takes control, he leaves a trail of damage wherever we go; he makes my life miserable, trying to clean up his mess. The second is he scares me; I wonder if the calm me is simply a façade, and if the beast is who I truly am. I hate him because I know he is a part of me; he scares me because he may be ALL of me.

Memories Like Dusty Books On A Shelf

Hello, old friend. I almost made it through the day without you really crossing my mind. I know, it surprises me too. Usually, I can’t go ten feet or ten minutes without something bringing you to mind. The things you said, the things we did together, it all runs through my mind almost constantly. Today, however, your voice was strangely silent in my head.

It feels…different. I don’t really know what brought you bubbling to the top of my thoughts, but here you are. Not bombarding me like you did when you first left, not running furiously back and forth like you have ever since; you’re just sort of…here.

It is oddly comforting. It is so calm and quiet. It feels like my memories of you are old books on a shelf. I am slowly taking them down, one by one, and flipping through them, breathing in the dust that rises from pages long unturned, savoring the senses and sounds they bring to mind. It’s so peaceful.

Is this what it feels like to come to terms with something? For the first time, it doesn’t hurt. Well, it always aches, but it’s not a bad ache today. I don’t feel like my soul is bleeding right now, which is a blissful change.

I do still have one question for you, one that I’m almost afraid to ask myself; a question that I wish you could answer for me, but even if you were here, you really couldn’t…

After all this time…am I finally okay?

You Be Tails, I’ll Be Sonic…

I’ve been wracking my brain for a while, trying to think of the right way to say this. I don’t want to sound like a world-class dick, but I also don’t want to tip my hand and reveal the fact that I’m a whiny little bitch either. So, in the end, I guess I’ll just do both and see what happens.

I’m angry. At you, at the situation, at myself…I mean, how on earth do I keep winding up in these ridiculous little games? I feel like a mouse that lives in a house full of cats; I get away from one, just to get caught in a corner by another.

You’re not really here; in fact, you never really will be. That’s the suckiest of sucky things, too; catharsis isn’t real. There is so much I want to say. I want to yell at you, I want to ask you a million different questions that probably all have the same answer, and I want to just…try to reconcile it all in my mind while you sit here quietly.

Instead, I sit on this park bench and watch as the kids across the lawn feed the birds, and the joggers pass me, oblivious to the stupid weight on my stupid mind, on my stupid day off, no less. What the hell.

I mean, I know things don’t play out in real life like they do in the movies. I know that there is rarely, if ever, a moment where everything is put out in the open, and everything is made better. Wounds don’t heal that fast. There are never those iconic moments in the real world; there is never the “I love you” from the balcony, or the “goodbye, old friend,” from the death bed. No, those things are left unsaid, unheard, or worse, both. Neither party benefits from the openness of simply saying those short phrases.

Instead, we lock ourselves away in our own minds, and sweat over a boiling pot of our tense thoughts. Mmmm, what a lovely stew it is; nothing gets the blood pumping like a full bowl of regret in the morning. God, what a joke this all is.

I suppose since the world doesn’t solve its problems in two hours like Hollywood does (let’s be honest, it hardly ever solves anything), there must be some other solution. I guess it’s kind of obvious when you look at life from a less angsty perspective. Simply…move the hell forward.

It’s going to be a struggle. The things I have to say aren’t going away. They may hide for a while, but they always resurface. It’s going to be a daily process; I have to drop your weight from my shoulders before my feet even touch the floor in the morning. Sometimes, I have to do that two or three times before I even get out of the house.

I know I’m never going to have any peace any other way, though. I’m never going to be handed a cathartic moment; I have to manufacture my own catharsis, I have to create my own peace. I must force the storms raging inside of me to be calm simply because I want them to be.

I know I have to start soon. As I get older, time seems to be speeding up; soon enough, I’ll be that bitter old man who feeds the pigeons and growls at children in the park. Hell, I’m halfway there already; I’m already in the park. I can’t be that, though. I have to be better. I can’t let this rob me of who I am. I can’t let this consume me, or all the stuff I went through before will have been pointless. If nothing else, I refuse to die without a purpose. I refuse to go out as a quitter. A failure? Maybe, but not a quitter.

So consider this the goodbye I never got the chance to have before. Consider this my new beginning, my return to normalcy. I’m going to have my rough days; I’m going to wind up back here more than once. I’m stronger now, though; I’m at least strong enough not to stay where I am. I’m done being tossed around and shaken like a dog’s chew toy. It’s time I evolved a little bit. Maybe grow some legs and get out of this stagnant little pond. There’s a whole world out there; a world full of disappointments I haven’t experienced yet, and hurdles I have yet to jump. I may not win, but I’m ready for that fight now. I’m ready to Rocky the shit out of this; I’m going the distance. there ain’t gonna be no rematch.

Cursed Places (Alistair Chapter Three)

The two-day ride was grueling, as they went at a full tilt, stopping only to sleep and to water the horses. The journey took them swiftly across the open plains, and as the terrain shifted around them the closer they got to the mountains, so did the air they were breathing. Not only could they feel the change in altitude, but the closer they came to their destination, the more they could sense the darkness they were approaching. It was palpable, hanging on the wind, feeling almost like a wet cloth being pressed against their faces, making every breath feel like a struggle.

Finally, they arrived at the base of the foothills. The moon was beginning to dip behind the mountains ahead of them, and the sun had just begun to crest over the horizon at their backs. The four on horseback stared in the direction of the burial ground as Mordecai shifted back into his human form. Alistair sighed and leaned back in the saddle, his eyes pouring over every visible inch of the low peaks ahead. A narrow trail could be seen winding its way up through the rocky ground, rising up, weaving in and out of sight.

“They are indeed here,” he said after several moments of silence. “Their darkness exceeds even the weight of the cursed ground upon which they have made their camp. We will rest here for several hours, and then make our way on foot up to the burial grounds. I do not wish to take the horses; what we encounter there could be enough to kill them.”

Clive looked around. “Sir, I don’t mean to question your judgement, but where will we leave them, then? There are hardly any trees around us to which we could tie them, and if we leave them loose, they will surely wander away.”

A sly grin crept across Alistair’s face. “I do not believe this will be a problem, Mr. Lugosi. Do you see the ravens flying overhead?”

The other four gazed above, and saw a flock of black birds circling overhead. They quickly returned their gaze to Alistair, who met their quizzical looks with a soft reply.

“Friends of ours already know we are here. They have been tracking us ever since we entered the territory. They will arrive soon enough, and we can leave our steeds with them.”

Alice furrowed her brow even deeper. “And who might these friends be?”

Cecilia’s musical laugh floated softly through the air. “Why, the Ravens, of course.”

Alistair arched an eyebrow and nodded slowly. “Indeed; the Ravens.”

Knowing that Alistair would not explain further, and that Cecilia would not spoil the surprise, the others settled in and waited for these unseen friends to arrive. They set up camp, built a small fire on which to cook a quick meal, and sat down in the sand to rest a while. After nearly an hour, a small cloud of dust rose up in the distance, quickly drawing nearer to their camp. As it approached, they could make out seven figures coming their way.

When their guests arrived, Alice, Clive, and Mordecai were surprised to see they were equal in stature to Cecilia. The seven of them were clothed in deerskin leather similar to those worn by the local tribes, riding in on what appeared to be wild ponies. Their hair shone like gold in the sun, and their skin was dark and tan; it was their piercing eyes, though, that set them apart, as they glinted and sparkled like diamonds under the moon.

Alistair and Cecilia greeted them warmly with embraces and handshakes all around.

“Greetings, brethren,” Cecilia said.

Their leader, a female with a pendant of a black bird hanging from her neck, grinned at them. “Though we may be an unkindness, we come not with unkind intentions,” she said.

Alistair laughed. “I would hope not; after all we have been through together, you are more like family to us than many of our own blood.”

Turning to the three very confused people behind him, Alistair gestured to the seven newcomers.

“My friends, this is Lucrezia, the leader of the Ravens of Colorado.”

Clive extended his hand. “Pleased to meet you; I am ashamed to admit it, but I have not had the pleasure of hearing about you before now. Please, excuse my ignorance; any friend of Alistair’s is a friend of mine.”

Lucrezia shook his hand and gazed up at him. “The blame for that lies squarely on Alistair’s shoulders; I am a somewhat offended that he has not told you of my people’s exploits with the Gatekeepers by now,” she joked.

As she continued to shake the hands of the other two, Alistair explained.

“The Ravens are a group of Cecilia’s people who have chosen to live in our lands and to assist us in our fight against the dark forces in any way that they can. Their help has been invaluable on numerous occasions, and their presence today is deeply appreciated.”

Lucrezia turned to Alistair. “So you do need our help, then? I figured as much when you five rode in the way you did.”

Alistair nodded. “It appears a band of necromancers has kidnapped a coven of spellbinders, and they are holed up in the caves above the burial grounds.”

The elf crossed her arms and shook her head slowly. “I would love to assist you, my old friend, but you know we do not disturb those who are at rest. That land is sacred, and we dare not cross the spirits who guard it.”

“I understand that; I would never ask you to come with us. Rather, we are in need of someone to watch over our horses while we are gone…”

Lucrezia smiled softly. “That we can do for you. We will keep our eyes on the hills until you return.”

Alistair bowed his head slightly. “Thank you. I would pay you, but I am afraid we did not bring any gold with us on this journey.”

Lucrezia laughed, a high, whimsical sound not unlike Cecilia’s. “You should know by now that we do not require any payment from you other than your continued friendship. We stand allied in the same cause, and we know you would do everything you could to give us aid if the tables were turned.”

Alistair smiled wide. “This is true. Over and over again we have traded aid and assistance. Your help today is still greatly appreciated.”

“Of course, Alistair; who wouldn’t appreciate our help?” Lucrezia winked at Clive, and motioned for her men to take the reins of the Gatekeeper’s horses. When the steeds had been gathered, she remounted her own pony.

“We shall take good care of your mounts; they will be well rested and well fed when you return.”

With that, she urged her pony into a sudden gallop, and the other six riders followed suit. When the dust cleared, the elves were nowhere to be seen, and the Gatekeepers collapsed exhausted into the red sand for a short nap.

They awoke shortly after noon, and they quickly gathered themselves for the last leg of their journey. Without speaking, they all checked their weapons and prepared themselves for the battle that surely awaited them. Cecilia performed protective incantations on them all, and they set off up the path that led to the burial grounds.

The trail rose sharply, much more so than they had anticipated. The way was much steeper than it appeared from below. Within minutes, the five of them were breathing heavily, with sweat beading on their foreheads, dripping down and stinging their eyes. Still, they pressed on. They needed to get through the burial grounds and up to the caves before nightfall. Whatever wards and spells stood between them and the caves would be better faced in the sunlight; there was no telling what kind of danger they would be in if they were caught standing among the graves after nightfall.

Eventually, they reached a flat clearing, surrounded by a ring of smooth boulders. The large rocks were arranged in a pattern; limestone, then sandstone, then flint, all the way around the burial site. The path led through a gap between the stones; across the clearing, the path led out through an identical gap in the ring. From there, it wound its way up to the dark entrance to the caves. Alistair glanced around at his companions and stepped through the opening and into the sacred resting place…

Immediately, the sky cracked with lightning and thunder, though no clouds could be seen above. A heavy mist formed at the center of the clearing; it rose and began to take the form of a man. When it had taken shape, a voice that sounded like a strong wind howling through a canyon shouted out to them.

“WHO DARES WALK AMONG MY RESTING PEOPLE?!”

Alistair raised his hands with his palms facing outward as he replied, “Alistair Mor, of the Gatekeepers; with me are my fellow Gatekeepers, and we have come not to disturb this place, but to rescue some of our own who yet live. Men who use dark magic have taken peaceful women from their homes, and they have hidden them away in the caves above. We seek only to pass through that we may reach them before it is too late.”

The guardian spirit rushed over to where they stood, stopping mere inches from Alistair’s face.

“I know of whom you speak, Pale Walker, and they are taken by evil men indeed. Yet, I do not trust your word. I do not sense darkness in your heart, but I cannot be sure of your intentions. These men who have taken your women have soiled the ground where my people were lain to rest. They did not pass through the trials when they came, but instead, they manipulated the air to their will, using force to make their way to the caves. I am the guardian of this place, and I cannot allow you to disturb the peace of those whose bodies rest here. If you are truly honorable, then you will subjugate yourselves to the trials in order to pass with my blessing.”

Alistair bowed his head. “We shall endure the trials.”

The spirit growled. “Very well; we shall let the spirits decide if you are worthy to cross. Long ago, when I was a warrior among the living, my people were massacred, and their bodies laid to rest here. A great man of magic in my tribe laid a curse on any who would place his foot upon the graves here. He spent many weeks alone on this hill, speaking in spells and shouting incantations. When he had finished, he called forth my spirit to be the guardian of our brothers. I am the keeper of the trials.

“Of the trials, there are two. The first is a measure of the character of a man. Each of you will come face to face with your greatest enemy, and you must overcome both the enemy before you, and the enemy within. If you succeed, you will meet the trial of the righteous warrior. You must defeat the hounds of hell, whose only wish is to drag men down to the depths of the flames for judgement and damnation. Do you still wish to face the trials?”

Alistair stood tall and gazed straight into the face of the guardian spirit. “We do,” he said coolly.

The spirit grinned and chuckled. “Very well. Enter the curse.”

The five of them were suddenly wrapped inside a great cloud of smoke and mist, and none of them could see the others. Mordecai stood stock still, waiting for something to jump out at him from the unseen. Soon enough, the cloud lifted, and he was standing alone in the cemetery. Night had fallen, and the moon was heavy and full above him. On the other side appeared a man with a wild and crazy look in his eye: his twin brother, the man who had taken everything from him.

Mordecai was shocked. “B-Ben…?” he asked incredulously.

In response, his brother howled at the moon and raced towards him. Mordecai barely had time to put his fists up before his twin tackled him to the ground. They rolled around for a few seconds before Ben wound up on top. He pinned Mordecai’s arms to his sides and began slugging him across the jaw. Mordecai felt several teeth pop loose, and he desperately struggled for a way out.

Finally, he was able to get an arm free, and he grabbed his brother by the wrist. Ben instinctively leaned over to try and pry himself from Mordecai’s grasp, allowing Mordecai to pull his other arm up. They grappled like that for a minute or two, with Mordecai holding onto Ben’s wrists for dear life, as his mouth filled up with blood and his eyes began to swell shut.

With a great shout, he heaved his brother off of his chest and scrambled to his feet. Ben regained his balance first, and swung a big kick at Mordecai’s chest as he stood up. Mordecai latched onto Ben’s leg; he absorbed the blow and flipped his brother onto his back. He stepped back and tried to catch his breath while Ben stood once more.

Ben rushed at him with a shout, and Mordecai threw all his strength into a haymaker that connected with Ben’s left temple. Ben fell to the ground and rolled onto his back. Ben reached for the gun holstered on his hip, but Mordecai drew his first. The brothers were frozen like this, gasping for breath, as Mordecai’s gun was shakily aimed at his brother’s chest.

“Don’t you dare do it, Benji,” he said quietly.

Ben grinned evilly. “Do it. Pull the trigger. You know you’ve wanted to for years.”

Mordecai spat to one side and wiped the blood dripping from the corner of his mouth with his free hand. He panted there for a moment before responding. “You know, for someone who ain’t real, you sure pack one hell of a punch. Now, I ain’t gonna shoot ya, and I’ll tell you why. Even though you burned down the house, even though you killed momma and daddy, and even though you tried to have me hanged for it all, I ain’t gonna kill you. You’re still my brother, Benji, and I may hate you some days, or even most days, that fact don’t change.”

Mordecai reholstered his gun, and he was immediately enveloped in the cloud once more. When it lifted this time, he was surrounded by his friends. He rubbed his jaw, and found that all his teeth were where they belonged, and he was no longer bleeding. The guardian spirit looked at them all one by one, as if admiring them.

“Good,” he said. “You have all survived the first trial. You have proven yourselves to be of great character. No one who has attempted the trials has ever made it through the first. They have all given in to their vengeful desires, destroying their enemies and, in turn, destroying themselves. Now, for the second trial…”

The five of them glanced at each other, bracing themselves for what was to come. Lightning struck the ground at the far end of the burial ground, and the guardian spirit faded away.

“Fight! Fight or die!” he commanded as he disappeared.

From the smoking ground where the lightning had struck appeared a pack of snarling three headed dogs. They bounded towards the Gatekeepers, who scrambled to pull their weapons free. Mordecai squeezed off three shots before the pack overran them. The five of them were knocked over, and the dogs began to drag them all away. Mordecai dropped his six shooter and began punching and kicking the dogs around him. Cecilia attempted to cast several spells, but they simply bounced off the hides of the hell hounds they struck.

A black hole opened up in the ground nearby, and the pack worked their way towards it. Just as Clive’s boots slipped through the gaping space, Alistair shook free and stood. He thrust his hands out before him and shouted out an incantation.

“Yerelem, feust asconta midicus!”

A giant ball of blue flame fell from the sky and engulfed them all, burning bright and hot for several moments. When the flame died out, the dogs were gone, and the five of them sat panting in the dirt.

Alice fell onto her back and sighed deeply. “Dear god, Alistair; why didn’t you do that right away?!”

Alistair shook his head. “I-I…couldn’t…remember the spell.”

Mordecai laughed heartily; it rose up from his toes and erupted out through his lips, echoing through the foothills. He didn’t even really know why he was laughing; the stress and the panic of it all seemed to just escape him at that moment, and all he could do was laugh. Apparently, it was contagious, as within seconds, the five of them were lying on the ground, rolling in laughter as tears poured down their faces.

When they were finally able to get ahold of themselves, they stood again and dusted themselves off, fighting back the lingering chuckles and giggles. The guardian spirit reappeared before them, much less aggressive than before. He smiled at them as he spoke.

“I am amazed at what you have done here today. You have proven yourselves pure of heart and worthy to walk among the graves of my people. You may pass through without fear, as the curse is not meant for you. I hope that you will return again soon, victorious in your quest. May the light of all that is good go with you, and may no force of evil stand against you.”

With those words, the guardian disappeared into a cloud of mist, and the five of them made their way across the burial ground. When they reached the other side, they looked back across the clearing; everything was calm and quiet, and there was no evidence of the great struggle that had just taken place. As one, they looked up to the mouth of the cave above them and stared at it for a minute or two. God only knew what was waiting for them inside the mountain…